There is a sneaky and pervasive culture at play for people who are working to support people and make the world a kinder place. We have been conditioned to accept that we’re all going to be really stressed, short staffed, exhausted and one bad day away from looking for a job stacking shelved at the local supermarket. That’s the deal.

At what point did we all collectively accept feeling “not okay” as our standard working conditions? When did resilience stop being one of our core values?

What I noticed is that we all wanted one thing – hope. Hope for future relationships, improved work situations, favourable outcomes in geopolitical events, secure financial futures…

Turns out that psychologists have a model for how hope works, breaking it down into three clear factors. I stay rooted in the practical steps for hope and that helps me believe that better days are coming. That we can build something audacious from our current position, with a little hope (and the right guides).

I dyed my hair pink, then promptly freaked out and ran down the road to my friend’s house to go “what have I done, OMG help” at her until she calmed me down. She assured me that the world wouldn’t end because I had pink hair, and if people saw me differently then they’re really not my people. They don’t see ME, they just tell themselves stories about me in their heads and act from that pre-judgement. Often, this feels like an attempt to make me back into someone smaller, quieter, more conventional and a lot less queer. It’s their stuff, not mine.

One of the biggest barriers to us creating, let alone implementing effective self care strategies is the fear of being seen as selfish. In a culture where we are all striving for “good”, being selfish is one of the biggest sins.

But here’s my opinion – without a healthy dose of selfishness, we become self-ISH. A smaller version of ourselves. We lose that enduring strength because we aren’t staying true to ourselves any longer. We are sacrificing ourselves in pursuit of virtue, and I won’t be a stand for that.

A ‘resilience portfolio’, simply put, is the collection of skills and traits someone needs to possess in order to cope in challenging situations. It’s breaking down big, unhelpful definitions into more useful actions you can work on.

The three key themes are: self-regulation, interpersonal skills and what we make experiences mean.

When I look at the people who are my inspirations, I’m not drawn to the perfect people who have all their shit together. I’m drawn to the ones who go, “Yeah, it’s messy and hard. And I’m just out here trying every day to embody who I want to be and that’s okay. I’m going to go wrong. And that’s okay.”

It’s very likely that you’ve used the words exhaustion, burnout, compassion fatigue, traumatic, or stress to describe your experiences at work. People who are drawn to the front lines of making change are here because of our vision for the world, our values and our empathetic hearts, but there’s no denying that it’s a challenging space to work in at times.